April 9, 2010

Cartoons are not reality!!!

I've recently had a incident with a skillet, an air-soft gun, and a screaming child that I thought you might chuckle at......................... (or you may call the humane society)

Remember a few months back when our big ole' female dog had a run-in with our lil' ole' fat dog? Well round two began a few days back. Friends it was ugly with a capital U!!!!

Rick assigned Ian the chore of feeding and watering Jesse Jane. I'm not sure how Ian became so lucky, but nonetheless, it was his job.

So after a typical evening of run, run, and more running, he trucked out to her cage to do his duty. I came into the house and decided to let Gus Bus out to potty. (the poor tyke had held it in for a good six hours) Little did I know that Jesse had squeezed herself out of the kennel while Ian was TRYING to feed her.

She noticed Gus........ then it was on like Donkey Kong.

I was in the kitchen preparing taco meat (that will be important soon) when Ian came barreling in the front door yelling. I FINALLY figured out the problem then ran outside to break it up. However, in the back of my mind, I was having flashbacks. Mandy, remember the stitches, the needles, the blood, the PAIN!!!!!!

I don't know what a normal person would have done? But my first thought was AIR-SOFT gun. So000000, I ran in the house, screaming for Ryan. Since daddy was gone, he was man of the house. I told him to get the gun and come outside. He didn't hesitate. Ryan + Guns = I'M IN!!!!!

Ryan begins shooting the dog while I am trying digest the whole situation. Gracie is screaming bloody murder. Ian is trying to get in the middle of the dogs. Ryan is shooting Jesse over and over and over again. This isn't working.

So, I had a light bulb moment!!!!

The taco meat!!!!!! I ran in the house. Grabbed the skillet full of piping hot meat and grease and ran outside. I carefully placed it in front of her face. (in my warped mind I thought she would prefer fully cooked meat rather than raw Gus) She didn't take the bait.

Next idea.....................
Heave the meat out of the skillet and start beating the tar out of her with it.
Yes my friends, this was a cartoon moment.

Gracie at this point is rolling around in the grass, covering her eyes, SCREAMING!
Ian is pulling Gus' back legs.
Ryan is STILL shooting Jesse!
And I am beating her with the skillet!!!

I was having slow motion visions while this was all happening.
"I hope no one is watching this" was the main thought. Followed closely by "I wonder why this skillet isn't knocking her out, it always does on T.V.". Then lastly, "Where is Jack Bauer when you need him?"

This was a genuine Smith "White Trash Moment".

Long story short...... Gus survived with only minor cuts and a bruised ego (from getting whooped by a girl) and Jesse has found a new home.

No comments:

Post a Comment