The Dreaded Word......

Ryan had a tummy ache.......

It started right after youth group. At first I thought, maybe it's the ENTIRE bag of sour cream and onion potato chips that he ate. (I still suspect that might of had something to do with it). But the more he explained, the more I thought (the dreaded, ugly, forbidden word)................. GAS? Yes, that's it!!!! Gas! Gas, gas, gas! (Do you understand how hard it is for me to write this?) You know, I could have chose more colorful words. Flatulence, toot, puff, barking spiders (as my momma would say), and the four letter F-word that I cannot stand, FART!!! Ugghhh! Who invented that word? And why, I ask?

Before I get any more off the subject, let me continue. He was in agony all the way home. I, his mother, felt terrible for him. Only because I have this problem occasionally, and it isn't peaches and cream. I had labor pains that wouldn't hold a candle to some of my gas pains. Lordy me, why am I writing this?

I told him to take a nice hot bath when we got home and he would feel better. Well guess what, I must be a mom after all, because my advise worked. He came downstairs smiling, happy, and bubbly. We then got to spend two hours with him laughing because of the gas that he was "passing". Middle school boys usually have a "different" aroma anyway. This blew all those out of the water.

So we all went to bed happy and pain free. Until 3 a.m.. Knock.....knock.....knock.............. tap....tap...tap. Ryan isn't smiling, happy and bubbly anymore. He curls up on the end of our bed writhing in pain. So, his daddy checks him out. He even brought the stethoscope out to check bowel sounds. (strange, huh? It's a fringe benefit) After much inspection Rick decided that it would be best to take him to the hospital to run tests. I knew that he was questioning appendicitis. But I still thought it was gas. I was right! AGAIN!

So before you pass verdict please understand. I have in no way embarrassed him by telling you about his gas, bowel movements or otherwise. I have, however, embarrassed myself, because I told you about mine. Ryan would think that this is very funny. He shared all this information with anyone he came in contact with yesterday. All his sentences began with "When we were at the ER". He had hundreds of "emergency" potty jokes. He wouldn't be offended in the least by this post. Let me say it again, NOT IN THE LEAST. I would go so far to say that it might even make him proud. Strange child? It took three years of dating and two years of marriage before I passed gas in front of Rick. Then when I did, I could have died!!!!!!! I wanted to cry, crawl in a teeny tiny hole and never resurface. Things sure have changed!!!

So, I thought that I would give you some useless facts about gas. I found this on a "gas" web-site". You didn't think there was such a thing? Oh, yes there is!!!!!!

Here goes.......

Everyone has gas. Most people produce about 1 to 4 pints a day and pass gas about 14 times a day. Passing gas through the mouth is called belching or burping. Passing gas through the rectum is called flatulence. Most of the time gas does not have an odor. The odor comes from bacteria in the large intestine that release small amounts of gases that contain sulfur.

Gas in the digestive tract comes from two sources: air that you swallow and the breakdown of undigested food by bacteria in the large intestine. Certain foods may cause gas. Foods that produce gas in one person may not cause gas in another. Drinking lots of water and non-fizzy drinks and chewing food more to lessen the amount of air you swallow when you eat can help reduce gas. For people with lactose intolerance, avoiding milk products will help.

National Institute of Diabetes and Digestive and Kidney Diseases

They say you should learn something every day. Well now you have!!! I can assure you that I will never write about this again.

I'm having trouble pushing the "publish" button. That will send this to cyber world. Ohhh, I can't.

OK, I did it. Please don't call me with fart jokes!!!