November 17, 2009

The Cone of Shame

Oh my friends!!! Oh my dear, beloved friends!!!! This has been a wild, crazy roller-coaster couple of days.

#1. I accomplished less than half of what I was supposed to (nothing new).

#2. My dog looks like an alien!!!! Let me say that again in case you didn't understand. MY DOG LOOKS LIKE AN ALIEN!!!!

As I mentioned in yesterday's post, Gus had something strange happening with his eye. It turned cloudy and bright blue. Not usually a good sign. I noticed it yesterday evening when I was making supper. Of course, I panicked. That's what I do best. Rick looked at him and shrugged his shoulders. Neither of us could figure out what it was or how it happened.

So, six minutes after the vet's office opened yesterday morning, I made a phone call. They could work me in within the hour. They did an initial diagnosis (which wasn't promising to me). They said they would put a button on his eye lid, then remove the ulcer. I nodded my head like I knew what they were saying, but people, this meant nothing to me. They might as well have told me they were taking him to the Mother Ship at O- 19 hours to meet the snowbunnies. I was clueless!!!! I trusted them as I always have. This was going to be okie-dokie.

You might imagine my dismay when I showed up at 4:30 pm to pick him up and this is what he looked like!!
GASP!!!! then GASP AGAIN!! I then started praying in my head that this was one of those silly dreams I have. I once dreamt that I was inside a Super Mario Bro. game. That's the kind of dream I mean. The, "thank God that wasn't real" dream. OH, but it wasn't a dream!!!! This was undeniably and certifiably real. I was sitting (and I was so happy that I was) when they TRIED to hand his leash to me.

Come on......REALLY? PEOPLE....THERE IS A BUTTON IN HIS EYE!!!!! I guess I didn't know what to expect. When they said button, I thought that was a "vet term" for some little (UNNOTICEABLE) trinket. No, no, no.....this was a button. The kind that keeps you pants on. A BUTTON!!! Do you understand what I'm saying friends? Oh, I could just cry!!!

I hear you guys asking me...."Is this going to have to stay on his eye for the rest of his life"? The answer is no. Only 7 to 10 days. I have to apply a salve three times a day INSIDE (gag me) his eye. Then to top it all off, he has to wear the CONE OF SHAME.

So, after the initial shock, I am finally starting to see the humor in all this. Gus is frustrated to the point of saying four-letter-words. He cannot eat, drink or climb steps without assistance. Since he is built a little like a cinder block, this is not an easy task. He made sounds similar to Chewbacka when he couldn't turn around in his usual resting spot. Then let's not forget that he cannot get into his cage, which he strangely loves.

Then, Congo the cat, who normally wouldn't choose to be within 50 feet of the dog, is wanting to stalk him. Congo has figured out that Gus can no longer see behind him. This poses as an advantage to the sneaky bully. He is creeping behind Gus, then startling him. Meowing, pawing his back or whatever he can do to irritate him. I would punish Congo but I'm afraid that he owes Gus a few scares. Sorry if that seems cruel.
Look very closely in the background. The stalker has been caught in action!!!!

and again!!!!!

It really isn't fair. I'm so sorry Gus. I might want to gag when I see you, but I do love you. I understand that you are really peeved right now. When this is over, I will buy you a greasy double cheeseburger from Mickey D's.

I may write a memoir about you. Instead of Marley "the world's worst dog", you would be Gus, "the world's most expensive dog". Good thing Rick loves you too, he's footing your bills!!!!

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