January 22, 2009

I really not sure how it is possible that Ryan is 13 today.  I think back to things that I did with him when he was a baby.  It really feels like just yesterday to me.  I remember when we first brought him home.  I didn't even want to sleep because I didn't want to miss anything.  (that didn't last long).  I soon craved sleep and couldn't get any.  He was a lil' red-headed bundle of joy.  My life purpose was defined in those moments.  I knew that God created me to be a mommy.  There was nothing else in life that would ever be so fulfilling to me as that.  

Now, Ryan is beginning to show signs of independence.  Not in a bad way.  He really has been a good kid so far.  I guess what I mean is that I "feel" him growing up.  He doesn't need me as much.  Part of me is scared by that.  My whole identity is wrapped up in being a mom.  I wake up and go to bed thinking about how I will be needed that day for my kids.   Between volunteering in classrooms,  youth groups, holiday class parties, making supper, homework, hair-cuts, dental appointments.  It is who I am and what I do.  

So today, Ryan has requested that I eat lunch with him at school.  I still am "cool" enough to be with him around his friends.  The McDonald's fish sandwich didn't hurt either.  Then he has a hair cut after school.  We are going to take him to Applebee's for supper, then go to the Y for Gracie's b-ball practice.  His actual party is Friday.  He will invite Carter and Cameron Mitchell, Trent Putnam, and Dylan Rucker over to spend the night.  Fun, fun, fun times.

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